Exams have been tough.
Of course, the last is always the hardest challenge.
Been through 3 subjects, Chemistry and Spec. Maths left.
Went to watch Ninja at 1Utama yesterday.
A lot of blood fued, modified to some extent of exaggeration.
Imagine blood spraying like water shoots out from a hose when you press the hole.
And it tells a story of revenge , fighting and a hero-saving-beautiful-maiden scene at the end.
Full of epic action but storyline is dull.
Ninjas fighting to claim some heritage just for fame.
Trust me , its not woth watching.

Have been pampered by the time.
Since Chem is next wednesday, i took a short break.
Rest well to travel further and faster. I felt so.

Mafia wars at the library sucks.
Constant laging requires constant rebooting.
And unproductive playing time.

Since the internet dominates most people's life nowadays,
I wonder what people usually do before the advent of this technology.
Reading, perhaps, which make us more stupid today.
Of if some of you agree.

My mind is teeming with multiple thoughts now.
Part of me wants to detach myself from everything and focus on my study.
Other parts is engaging activities like wandering in the land of imagination, desire to have a good laugh by watching funny videos and worst of all, to think that next week is just any ordinary week.
Well, return to reality and the pressing truth is the final exam for the entire SAM starts next Monday.
Today is a Thursday. Now its nightime.
Tomorrow is a Friday, so three more days to go.
And what I am doing right now is browsing whats on the home page of Facebook, punching on the keyboard to complain for my boredom and uttering a silent cry a despair on the prospect of feeling doomed in the exam hall.
I'm aint prepared but stress is preparing to kill me before I even step into the accursed freezing hall, draped in the frost of morning dew.
There am I on an exam morning, struggling to break free from the chains of weariness that locks me in the lying position on the bed.
And there am I sweating off my butt, almost frenzy from the torturing elusive logic that the question presents.
And there am I, looking down from the fourth story without any feeling of vertigo, instead a desire to pull a step forward. (Ok, this one is exaggerated. )
But its like looking into the void of nothingness.
The immeasurable depth and darkness beyond strip you of hopes.

But when I picture what awaits for me in the future.
Of halls, audiences, ovations and the proud look in my parents eyes and the shimmering gold plated prize and the booming of my thank you speech from the gigantic speakers that flank the award hall.
To see this, and comes a boost a motivation and determination and greatness within.
I see life as hope then.
I see God's holding out his shining palm for assistance.
Waiting to give me a pull and thug me out of the endless void.
And to offer me an opportunity to smile again.

Gambateh to myself.

Today is my last day of college *Sob sob*

Never expect it to end so quick.

But to think again, the past 10 months happens in a blink.

Today is also a day where we strengthen friendship ties thru Cam Whoring.

I seldom participate in this but today I couldn't help but join in the fun.

My classmates take many poser photos but also quite some random and candid ones.

Basically the lectures are just having fun.

People pass around the yearbook for signatures.

I should have brought mine too.

I'm sad that it is nearly the end but this is an opportunity to rejoice for a new stage of life.

Ascension to university life.

I think I will more likely stay local cos unless I got full scholarships, I can't afford to go Australia.

And getting full is hoping for the 'almost impossible'.

My Chemistry lecturer related her experiences in Melbourne to us today.

It sounds like sooo fun and soooo killjoy after listening.

The exciting part is you get to see more 'mat salleh' and can learn 'pro english' accent, experience other culture and food and those sort of things.

The bad part include restrictions such as cannot call in after 9pm, shop closes at 5pm, no photocopy books, also expensive food, clothes books and travel tickets.

It's also difficult to mesh in Australian people cos as my lecturer puts it, they see Asian as inferior. All of us have the same face. So you most probably end up befriending Cambodian, Malaysians and other Asians.....

Horning on the road is considered very rude too...

And summer is freaking hot.

I do wish to taste the Australian air but maybe later during my Masters or PhD (maybe).

Next week is a holiday.

Nope, not a week of college leave.

A study leave instead.

Finals is only next next week.

If you play, guiltiness creep over immediately.

But you cannot study continuously either.

So I have no idea how to plan the week.

Perhaps barring my itchy fingers from the laptop by leaving it at home is a good idea.

I might be cursing the absence of my pc, but its for my own good after all.

*Method of self- discipline*

Gonna do really good this time.

Or else...

No. don't even think of it...

Ha!
I'm back.
Facebook has cause me delays in my posts.

You know what?

Life is full of surprises.

Since I was 'coerced' into Facebook, I started playing games that I would never thought I would lay my fingers on.

Like playing Mafia Wars and Friends for Sale.

And while I was gaining momentum to study, Brisingr suddenly put up some show that lured me into the pages for hours.

In a blink, I was reaching the end of the book.

*wow*

And then i spent the entire weekend reading the book, ignoring Chemistry and Maths.

A sudden enthusiasm can drive someone really obsessed, not to mention love.

Now left two weeks before the finals.

*Crazy chuckle*

TWO WEEKS!

And i wasn't even prepared yet.

Haven't garnered the knowledge I should possess before the exam.

Discipline, I found out, is actually sth wild.

Few people can really tame it.

Name them, they might be study freaks or principle-bound lifeless forms.

Not to insult, humans are uncontrollable at times.

I do not blame myself, but I feel like running towards a solid wall and bang my wits out of it for slacking.

No, i wouldn't want that though.

I still need'em two weeks later.

Seems like I already berserk indeed.

Enough babbling for now.

Facebook first.

Yesterday I attended a charity performance at my college.

It was a violin performance and it deserved praise fro all their concerted efforts in practicing.

The programme consist of ensemble of violins with the accompaniment of pianoforte.

Themes included were the Pirates of the Caribbean, Harry potter, Phantom of the Opera and Canon in D.

The one from Cinema Paradiso was mesmering from the soft and romantic tunes, though I had no idea what movie was it.

Overall it was great but there was some discordant at the opening part of Canon, which disturbs me a bit but after the senor violinist chimed in, it was better.

The ending theme was from Titanic, which was awesome as it comes in surprise (not written on the programme list).

Joseph, my classmate performed well too.

I thought I saw him squirm when we shouted at him for an encore.

Haha.

And for today, I think I should amend for Brian coz he saw what I commented about hin on my blog today.

Ok, it was true but there are more of him.

He is not entirely that kind of perverted guy whose head only fills with lust.

He is just humoring people when he does that ( and his logic are sometimes very amusing).

Actually, he is a sort of enigma to me as our thoughts are a league apart from each other.

Haha.

Don't interpret it as 'weird'.

It is totally different.

Been spending more on practices for finals.

Busy days...

College days are different as the last battle is imminent upon all SAM students.

People are affected in 2 ways, one taking it frivolously or study like hell.

The one that hits me is the former, as usual.

Unless the last minute approaches, I hardly ever buck up.

Skeptics may spit at this statement, but its true since you remember only pieces of memories obtained from revision so early beforehand.

Today, lecturers are either discussing trial papers or finishing off with the remaining syllabus.

I also got my Chemistry forecast to be an A18, that was adequate if my goal is merely As but I actually aspire to get a TER of 95 with entitles me to full scholarships at various uni.

But its not a child's play.

You know, getting an A20 (which nobody will deny dreaming of) means you have to be perfect in your knowledge and maybe a few flaw in you being careless.

Intimidated I am.

And here is the remaining pics..(=

People is always trying to look cool anywhere...
This was beautiful....wished my phone had higher resolution camera...

Night was chilling....

Food was awesome. Though some spoiled kids disapprove it.
"Cho Dai Di' is always the favourite game of all times to quench boredom.
Guess whose hands are those....(Reader: What?! You crazy ar?)
Romantic illumination...
This was where we climbed onto...A high rock to view the whole building from above. Stoners again...

Morning rise and shine....
Left, up : My bad....The other ones were very messy indeed...lol
I think these people have maids to tidy their bed...Agree?
Oh, sorry Joseph! Don't be shy...Be thankful the towel is on...haha

For VIP only....Luxurious rooms like one in a 5 star hotel....

Bet you think its the moon...Bah, its a star amongst star.... brightest one..
Aliens who landed on earth....probing here and there...
Another exploration and sightseeing.
The lowest floor is where the seminar rooms are situated..

One last moment after the group photo...Farewell, campers....

Results and PIcs

I knew today my trials results were to be revealed.

Honestly, I think I will do badly in Maths and others should be fine.

But my maths was 72%.

Perhaps it was a little higher than my expectations since I screwed up in many parts.

The other subjects i got:

ESL - 85% (This I crapped in the essay and letter but got good remarks from lecturer..had no idea why)

Specialist Maths - 77% (a little lower than I thought as it was not very difficult)

Chemistry- 78.5% (This was satisfactory but it could be better - so that I can score an A :P)

Physics - 82% (Also satisfactory...when teacher declared that only 1 person got A, I was kinda bitting fingernails in case I got a B...and it wasn't so great either as it's only 2% more than 80)

So, that concluded my results.

I wouldn't say that is good neither it is poor.

I heard Gui Fen's friend got 96% for Spec Math.

Not that I want to compare but if a underage girl (she's 16) can get, why not a guy from S1.

Its S"1" after all.

And thinking you got beaten by someone like that, you just couldn't help envying others.

I judge my marks by looking how far is it from the full marks.

So, it isn't really good.

I know some people in my class would be overwhelmed just to get a B but I gotta maintain my standards.

After all, I'm seeking to earn a scholarship for my degree..

Cos I am still resenting the fact that I rejected some college that can actually offer full scholarships for my 11As in SPM.

Instead, I poured 20K in Taylor's out of my dad's pocket.

Plus the monthly rental fees of a room for RM 500++.

Nevertheless, I met great friends there.

So, at least I get some consolation.

And, the photos from the camp.

There you go.

It basically looks like a school from outside.
Ben asking for a seat from those fat people occupying the place. (Ok, they're not fat)

The stoners : Brian and Joel

He claim the rock was comfortable.
Can you identify Jesus's face?
Dusk is nice.

More pics tomorrow....

Sorry but the internet is crawling at snail's pace.

(took some long waiting to upload only a few pics)

A CF camp

Impossible....

Time cannot possibly go faster...

But why this holiday ends so quickly?

Is it when your freedom is unrestrained, time just pass by without greeting you?

Ok....

At least I did something that deserves merit...

Not just sit on a chair and staring at the wall for the whole day.

I participated in the Christian Fellowship camp at PeaceHaven, Genting.

You know...

Christian camps...

Yeah, I know...

You will expect preaching and me return being a new Christian.

Uh-huh....

They do preach but I am not converted.

Not to say that it is not good.

Just that I can make a choice and I chose not to.

We started out on Friday afternoon.

The journey is not that exciting, coz the bus travel at a speed little slower than a sprint uphill.

I felt like it will take ages when I browse the scenery out of the window, as it is passing so slowly.

However, Genting is still Genting.

It won't take someone near KL a year to go there even if you are travelling at walking speed.

Our sojourn there was peaceful. (why do you think it is called PEACEhaven?)

The first thing we noticed is the coolness of the weather.

(Of course, its Genting after all)

Then, we unload our backpacks and stuff, rested a while and started off in the seminar room.

There you go, the 'praise and worship' session.

Singing church songs , praise the Lord and so on...

In this camp, they invited 2 speakers,an elder and a pastor (people who preach) for all the sessions available.

They shared their past and how they are converted to Christian and experiences.

The first one comes from a terrible background.

Back then he was violent, devious and naughty.

He admitted watching pornography and stuff and all sorts of bad things,

just because he was raised badly, discouraged by family members and being the youngest and least smartest (or other words, stupidest)

Then he explained how he met a pastor and transformed into a true Chritstian.

It does sound boring , but he has very good story telling skills and really funny jokes and gives bursts of laughter.

He did not hold back.

He was very frank in pointing out the harsh realities of life, how rape and sex goes on.

Ok, it was a lot of sex stuff but he want to talk about evil actually, the Satan.

(Oh gosh, I am using a lot of Christian terms.)

Haha.

The second speaker is no less capable.

He is also damn funny and talks about his love life and how he was dumped and how he sought God and how God helped him and how he achieve his current life.

At the start, he even 'condemned' other religion and deny the validity of science that the Big Bang and carbon dating is kinda bullshit.

He has his arguments but I think there is still a need for more solid proof.

(for me lar)

Most people explained miracles and supernatural happenings around them and declare them the act of God.

Although it cannot be such a coincidence of coincidence, but what if it was?

I personally believe in supernatural things, as my dad is also a seance and can perform rituals of summoning the Deties.

I've witness so I cannot deny my religion.

But neither I can deny the Holy Father existence as I saw people being taken by the Holy Spirit and fainted.

So, I'm quite confused.

In fact there is also this Allah (not to say I believe in Him) and Buddha himself is not God but for Chinese there is a Shang Di, meaning God also and Hinduism also have many Gods and so on...

So..

I decided I will just believe in one God who encompasses all of the religion, one almighty God that exist.

That fine for me.

Oh ya, back to the camp.

There offers an fantastic scenery of beauty of nature, the clouds, the mountains and the sunset as well as the enchanted faraway city lights of KL. (twin tower is visible too!)

And the weather is perfect, ok-lah, for Brian and some people its a little freezing.

We slept in the dorm and every morning there will be the annoying wake-up call from the drom leaders.

And there is a heater so we can enjoy steaming water in the midst of cold atmosphere.

There is also awesome people and some friends who stalk hot chicks.

At the first night, the starry sky is so mesmerising, thought the moon is incomplete.

People all lie their heads on Eric ( the biggest boy) as his flesh acts as one of the best pillow, with jackets on under the moonlight and frigid wind.

The dim road lamp adds to the brilliant atmosphere there.

There is also the boundless horizon that emits a orange hue during sunset.

It was terribly fun.

But I am the type who cannot stand late nights so I became one of the earliest who ent to bed.

Too bad.

And for some unforeseen reasons, my eyes was damn tired and was straining most of the time.

But my friends looked just fine.

The food there was delectable and really delicious for some dishes.

We were served rice and Chinese dishes during lunch and dinner and coz its 10 in a table,

sometimes I am lucky enough to end up in a table fewer than 10.

So I had more than enough to eat.

But once I landed on a all boys table, where no girls present to keep their manners,

I swear the pork and the tauhu (entire dish) empties in about 10 seconds.

They were outrageous, each competing to eat faster so they can get enough food.

And I was watching unaccustomed to this 'culture'.

For breakfast we had some really nice toasted bread and porridge and fries and fish chips.

As the cafeteria sold hot Maggi cups and Pringles and Cloud 9, these were the snacks and supper.

Overall the place was very clean and it was worth the time.

Ok lah, the church songs are also euphonious, not as boring as I think.

One more thing, the games.

Basically, there is group telematch between Nasi Lemak, Muruku, Karipap, Char Siew Pau, Char Kuei Tiao and Bak Kut Teh team.

One station invloves finding marbles in flour using your mouth and it was quite disgusting when you ate the flour.

Not bad, afterall.

During the Crazy Night, they played balloon stepping, the childish yet fun game where you have to step the ballons tied to your opponents leg and there is a leader and when the leader ballon burst and your team loses that kind of a little lame game.

On the way returning, I expect the journey to be faster, as you're going downhill.

But the bus driver was so kiasi that he brakes all the way down, slowly but surely.

Though Bus 2 left first, Bus 1 reached first.

Nice memories for me and I got some enlightenment.

And pictures will be on tomorrow, or maybe a few days later.

Ah...What fretless days after an exam...

Not to worry a single bit about whats going to happen if you sleep till noon.

No more rising on unearthly hours.

Forget about mathematics and science.

Do what you love.

Laze in sofas and on the computer chair.

Watch endless movies at home as well at the cinema (as much as your wallet allow)

Act like textbooks never existed.

Immerse totally in a sybaritic lifestyle.

Shirk all you duties without guilt.

Let laxity take over.

No more walking apace.

Shuffle and meander as slowly as you want.

Let entertainment supersede stress.

Enjoy while I can.

Ahhh~~~

The world is closing in me.
Trials on next week.
How heavy can the load be?
As heavy as you can endure,
Only leaving you breathless.

Take it easy I say,
But the fruit will be sour,
Since the more you put in,
the sweeter gains you get in turn.

Let it be,
As it will be.

Hey, could this be an animal gallery?
Haha.
Its my dog.
A very wierd name. (My sis fault)
Meet Dada. The mini pincer.
Nicknamed Brown Carpet.
She is small enough to confortably fit into a 1x1m cage.
You see, we don't allow her to roam freely as she will just run off to the streets,
and start barking and chasing away strangers.
Actually, it was her sheer barking sound that cause some hesitation.
In fact, if you dare come closer, she will just run away cos she is scared.
And sometimes she can be very annoying.
Relatives and friend who drop by gets a good reaction from her.
Anyone except my family is considered 'bad people'.

But my sis loves to play with her.
Once when mom was out, they let her into the hse.
Mom wouldn't allow so cos the dropping fur will spread in the hse.
My mom takes cleanliness as her priority.
So, my sis took a plastic bag, cut off 5 holes and fit her in. (Four plus the tail.)
When she runs around in the hse, you can hear the rustling sound and see her awkward gait.
Which makes me want to LOL.
She also have no taste for food.
Anything that is edible, beside her dog biscuits (that she eat everyday til she takes any other thing we give) she just gobble it up.
Include vegs and bitter gourd.
She just don't munch, but rather swallow.
So far we only trained her to sit down and wag her tail when food comes.
And to pee and shit on the place where cleaning is easier.
Sometimes i felt pity cos we are quite busy and she is quite deprived of evening walks.
A short stroll can just make her ecstatic and wag at 'high frequency'.
Also,being a dog, she is afraid of bathing.
Cos my mom always help to do the job, she is particularly afraid of my mom.
She always know when we are preparing the hose and soaps and try to get away with it.
Unfortunately, she has nowhere to run.
Haha.

OK, better not to be too fascinated with my bitch.
End of introduction.

Meet Brian Ong (Ming Ming).
He is a classmate of mine who is quite amusing.
Today I get to know him deeper.
Today he is broke cos he paid RM 120 for a Genting trip.
So he ordered only a roti telur for lunch.
But though he is thin, his stomach is certainly able to fit more than a pea.
Trying to save money, he even finished the sauce.
Trust me, if he was alone, im sure he will lick the plate shiny clean.

Couldn't imagine he is totally broke, i asked if he had any savings.
He does, but he says " You know, i won't touch those money. Cos when someone ask you to go out, and you say you're broke, you miss the fun. So i must save some money to prepare for those occasions. You'll never know when it'll happen"
"why, you can borrow from you friends"
"If i do so, they will just slap me on the face"
He also claims that even if he has a fatal disease, he will either recover himself or just die off.
Before that, he will burn all his money.
He thinks he should not spend those money nor let it end up on other people's hand.

Plus, when we were writing an essay on whether tourism should be encouraged,
He totally agreed.
He said there will be migration of exotic species into the country.
If you think of animals, you're wrong.
He meant chicks.
More beautiful ladies will come here and we can marry them and have babies.
" If not, would you marry all those ugly people in Malaysia? If China does not export their babes, how many pretty girls are there in Malaysia?"
Whoa, an insult to Malaysian girls.
haha..

Cos his english is so good (his essay has beautiful structures and fabulous vocab), i asked him how he could describe something so well with mesmerizing words.
" Go and read some erotic books online. They describe things very precisely , like bla bla bla....Those authors are very good at describing and you can learn new words too"
True, i thought.
But not my choice.

See, what extraordinary thoughts.
At least he have some sense of humour that he himself think he is perfectly normal.

Every time I see this, I tell myself to sort out later.
Later turns to tomorrow,
tomorrow becomes next week,
next week augments to next month,
next month evolves to....
Sry, not possible...:0

But then I would linger on this....
On of the cardinal sins you can commit during or near examinations...
I can tell others how to study, but i am immune to my own words.
Somebody save me? Pls?

The day i planned.
Reach home,
get a cold and refreshing bath,
sip some Milo and chew some bread,
start studying for 2 hours.
Then use half an hour for exercising,
take another bath,
have dinner,
study,
sleep.

Thats what i want.

But today (almost every day),
Reach home,
on my laptop,
check mails,
watch one piece,
and search for stuff.
And also ate two packs of Maggi mee.
This took 3 hours.
Then i went to jog.
Met Harin and have some chat.
Took 45 minutes.
Ate dinner with Yit Guan, Harin and Tze Hong.
Bout 1 hour including waiting for them.
Study stupid Maths.
A huge chunk. 1 and half hour.

Forget about Spec maths and chemistry.
Its time for bed.

So, is the first or second one better?
One with more social interaction, one with more productive revision.
You decide...

Future career

Currently, i'm vacillating between courses i'm planning to take next year.
The top 2 im my list would be mechatronic and chemical engineering.
My heart is sloping towards mechatronic, but i am still unable to dismiss chemical altogether.
Mechatronic is more difficult, but have a brighter prospect.
On the other hand, i don't really like chemistry so much but there is a variety of jobs available.
But since my ultimate goal is to be a physicist, should i pursue mechatronic instead.
It sounds interesting, encompassing electronics and mechanics. And also robotics.
But i don't really like circuits either.
So....which one should i pick....

A friend came to ask for your help to solve a question.
You said "Give me some time" and took a week to solve it.
Then the next day, your present the answer to your friend.
He gleamed with appreciation, but replied " Thank you, but I solved it the second day after
I asked you."


I certainly would not want that to happen.

Phew!
Just returned from the Moral Education exam.
Almost circled Christmas for Christ's resurrection.
Just before that I was rolling on my bed struggling to drift into a nap.
These few days i've been having daytime insomnia.
Couldn't sleep in the evening.

All the subject topics in school is coming to an end, and for that i felt some sort of emptiness.
As if there is nothing to fill the void.
Maybe because all to be done is to study like hell.
Fighting for own survival at the war zone.

Tomorrow having chemistry practical test.
Better not break anything.
I've broken the apparatus 3 times already.
A round bottom flask, a 100ml measuring cylinder and 1 ...erm...couldn't remember.
And those thing aren't cheap, you know.
The first one cost RM15, 3 meals for me.

Damn, i'm tired now.
*Yawn*

Preparations for tomorrow.
I'm sitting for the Moral studies final test tomorrow.
And i've never touch any of these things before.
In fact, few really does.
I mean, how many people really care about this (useless) subject.
Not that i hate it, but such theoretical teachings never really come into pratice.
The theories might be good for reference, but in most times, it depends on our personality and reasoning.

Same goes for English creative writing tomorrow.
We had to write something based on some text.
So my plan to study Physics failed today.

After a few days i turned eighteen (my b'day is on 21 August, did you forget?), i came to realise that my view about the society had changed.
I learn to become more perspective and see the world in a new way.
I am better in managing emotional problems and i learn to wrestle with stress.
And most important, humility.
Not just be humble in front of people, i realise that humbleness that originates from the heart is the key to success.
It's hard to capture but i am trying.

Darn, my fav One Piece episode just hit a wall.
So fast i was watching til i was on the front line watching the latest.
And that means 1 new episode every week.
No more hours watching, but this spares time for me to focus on my studies.
Well, i'm still following Bleach, nearing the latest episode.
Haha.
Relentless, aren't I?

Been reading a book about unification theory on physics.
Touches about higher dimension.
People say i love Physic but i just find it interesting just like you would find a movie interesting.
Nothing more.
But from where this stems, i had forgotten.

If you watch it, you'll find this entertaining...:)

Here i am sitting down, listening to Beat It while watching One Piece anime online after eating my lunch minutes ago.
The notion of studying has got into me since this morning.
Nevertheless, i would never rejoice opening the textbook till i am satisfied with sufficient entertainment.

Back in home, in a hot afternoon, where my sis had gone to school, my mom doing the house-chores, me lazing around in the living room online-ing.
Am i pathetic?
Haha.
Maybe.

I'm the type who must play hard before i study hard.
Or else other things will just come popping out in my mind and distracting me in my studies.
It is an excellent methods, too, to make yourself feel guilty so that you will put in more effort to study.

This week surely is going to be an engaging one.
Setting goals, planning timetable and self-discipline.
The trial is 3 weeks after the break.
Not gonna let the marks run loose.

Turning eighteen this Friday.
Wonder whether there is anything special.

Its late at night now (for me).
Been completing my presentation slides for Physics tomorrow.
I've been trying to make a flawless powerpoint slide and have been reading extra things about my topic.
Radioisotopes in medicine.
This morning I was threatened by Eugene and Brian that they are plotting to rifle me with difficult, contradicting questions.
Sounds like they want to see me stand there miserably stoning, unable to answer.
Haha.
Thats my friends.

Went to library just now and printed some notes and practices as a motivation for me to study during the holiday.
Which is next week.
My birthday is also on the holiday.
Too bad i miss the chance to celebrate with my friends.

Never study for few consecutive days.
I think its more than a week already.
Quite disappointed with my attitude.
Trial is very tough and demanding, unlike normal test that covers only few topics.

Tomorrow there will be no Spec maths calss.
Since its the first period, i can sleep for another 1 hour.
Haha.
I love to sleep.
Blek! Mind you....

Woke up slightly late today.
There will be charity carnival going on in college.
When i reached there, they were preparing the necessary stuff.
We were seriously lacking equipments though we are selling drinks.
We have the Sprite and the orange cordial but the expected ribena and the blender is not there.
Frustrated, we concocted a SPECIAL drink, namely Fizzy Iced orange from mixing the cordial and sprite.
Later, the blender arrived and we went to buy some ice.
We mix the in the blender with the ice and produced iced blended juice.
Haha. We sold it for RM 1 each.
Notice there was ribena originally.
At first, business was poor.
But during the afternoon, the morning sweltering humidity has transformed to a scorching heat that gave way to the compelling urge to buy drinks.
Besides, there is no other drink booth is as cheap and strategically located than us.
(there is a 50 cents drink behind somewhere, well-shielded )
And so, students dropped by to quench their thirst and the cost was gradually being covered up.
At the end of the day, the profit was well slightly more than sixty, not included the deducted cost.
That was quite a success.
Despite so, we only donated RM 10 and the remaining went to our class fund. Not my decision, but the class rep's.
They managed to trick our mentor into believing that our nett profit is only RM 10.
It's the girl's turn to man the booth. (Harin looks busy lecturing them...haha)
Business going well. XD
The bimbos came back from shopping.
I also went to the Haunted House that Hari claimed worth the money.
I joined Jitve, Zhe Kai, Yi Xian and some girls.
But you know what?
Although the girls screamed, the sound mainly came from Jitve (he is a guy).
He said it was very scary and allegedly swing his knees right up to Zhe's crotch.
It was well made,
but maybe because of the presence of my friend, i was just smiling through the whole way out.
You can feel hands protruding from somewhere, someone popping out of nowhere, painted (ugly) face and eerie lights.
Haha.
I missed the show where Mr. David was dunked into the pool of water.
Its a game where someone sit on a platform, and you must throw a ball to a target.
Once the ball hits, the slight twitch will trigger something and the platform where the person is sitting will flip over and drop into the water tank.
There is also a song dedication booth, Baskin Robbin's, some Korean food and nyonya cakes.

It was one merry event that will be imprinted in my life.

Back in Subang.
I went back to my house during the weekend.
Man, i started to have homesick after two weeks of not returning.
I miss my family, my piano, my house and my dog, a mini-pincer.
Despite being 'mini', she still act like every other dog, confronting starngers as if her sheer voice is capable of scaring them off.
That's the annoying part.
She just cannot keep her mouth shut when there are visitors.
Haha.

Since i have not touched my piano for two weeks, my fingers started having difficulties coping with quick semiquavers.
As if my fingers are hardening.
My mother remains the same.
Still watching MJ.
And my dad is still as busy as ever.
Only get to see him on Friday night this time.

Also, my mom's food.
Which she claims is healthy cos there is no MSG.
And advices about nutrition are puoring in.
Back home, i get to eat more fruits and also some herbal tea.

Its so sad my gf is sick. She has a fever so our date today is cancelled.
Hope she recovers soon.

Had been drinking a lot of tea lately.
Starting to get addicted to the 3 layer tea or teh c special.
Either the standard has downgraded or my taste buds is asking for more.
It makes the tea not so savouring anymore.

Chem CT on next Tuesday.
Think i can handle but better not get caught unnoticed.
Since i got beaten several times feeling this way.

By the way, had been advancing on the Physic textbook from teacher.
Learned Maxwell's equation today.
And fascinated by its ingenuity.
Hope i become someone as great as Maxwell someday.

Another conclusion of the day.
You can never focus fully while studying at the library.
Though i dunno why.
Maybe it applies on me only.

Phew!
Took some time to edit this layout.
Now then i know how to sort it out.
Can't deny my last layout sucks.
(Maybe i am too noob).

Classes as normal.
Today Pn. Mahani is saying her bodyshape is like a plank.
Haha.
Nope. It has nothing to do with us.
She said it herself, comparing to some models with an hourglass bodyshape.
She is one funny teacher who has some sense of humour.
Not like other teacher who displays a degree of strictness in their teaching.
And she is not racist at all. An open minded teacher. ( and excellent one too).

Seriously, do i look stern or emo when i am not smiling?
Its just i don't display funny espressions like Gui Fen, who always looks like she is going to smile.
Haha.
She all sort of nicknames like Gui Fan, tiny wrestler, little sumo, heat radiator....
(ok, the last one i made it up)
Its not an insult, but rather nicknames that reflect the intimate relationship in out class.
She doesn't mind too.

Stoned in front of this com for quite long.
Man, i'm sleepy.
Feel like dozing off without taking a shower.
Hehe.

The book borrowed from my Physics teacher is sooo thick and i had sooo little time.
I better call it an encyclopaedia.
Equations flooded the page and I know my limits.

Not much homework, but a lot of reading and revising to do.
Should i sleep first?
I'll let my body decide.
Most likely going to bed.
Duh....

Hi, are you still healthy?
If you are, that is great.
If you are not, i advice you to eat more fruits and sleep more.
Me?
I'm not sick.
Maybe not yet.

The number of absentees decreased today.
It seems people can't afford to miss any more lectures.
All syllabus are approaching their ends.
I can imagine that if you are perpetually absent for days, you are as good as a stray animal on a lone path.
A few guy skipped Physics because there are presentations only.
I would have too, but where could I go.
Besides, i wouldn't want to leave a bad impression for my lecturer.

Just sorted out all my previous notes.
Noticed there is a whole pile.
Tick-tock...
time is ticking off.
My days are numbered.
Unless i start studying now.
Which requires much determination.

Today's class attendance is no better than yesterday, 8 being absent.
Looks like this hazy and hot atmosphere is meddling with people's health.
Most people got sick and my sister also is caught hype.
I wish i will continue to stay strong because lessons at the end of the year are not to be neglected.
Teachers are also getting worried.
Humans really can't be helped.
They create pollution and suffer.

Today i am so not in a mood to study.
Ended up watching One piece.
When exams are round the corner, this feeling will suddenly kick up and stall your progress.
With the trial days approaching, i am starting to feel threatened.
In case i cant score, it will be difficult to apply for university.

Classes are boring today.
Spec math teacher is absent.
If informed earlier, i might as well doze off in my dreams up to eight thirty am.
And this fatigue finished me off when i came back and i crushed for an hour.
Now the excess siesta make me feel quite awake.
Gee, time slips through your finger slits before you are able to grab tightly.
If i you are hesitant for one moment, it flows off like a stream of water.
Discipline is the only thing that can contain time and make it work for you.
I may have the philosophy but if it doesnt go into application, it as good as none.

Today i got my physics class test paper.
31/40. Not very satisfactory though.
I got beaten by Jitve and Zhe Kai.
Though unexpected, it is a way to erase my building vanity.
When life becomes too good, laxity takes over and doom arrive.
Plus, i felt difficulties on learning new subtopics today.
Guess my intelligence decrease again for GOD-knows-what reason.
Gonna try that image streaming technique as soon as possible.

BBQ party

There is a Charity Carnival held today, which is related to me because the Newsletter Club is having a recruitment booth.
It is somewhere near the corner and that makes it difficult to attract people to join.
Except the last minute work and lack of publicity.
I skipped Maths class as a result and we got only 2 new members, one which is actually my own classmate.
You can call it a fiasco.
At least it forces us to come up with more idea to tackle the problem.
Watch and see.
The Newsletter Club is finding its way to eveybody's dictionary.

Tonight there is a BBQ party at Gui 'Fan' 's hse.
It was rather frustrating cos we took a two hr 'road trip' including sandwiched in queues of cars.
I wouldn't put the blame on anyone, but originally the trailing plan failed cos i lose track of Bobby, who was supposed to lead the way.

At first i was a bit pissed off, but then the food acts as a sedative.
The hotdogs, chickens, soft drinks and 'water' tiramisu quenched my ire.

Indeed, Gui fen's hse, though not a banglo or semi D, is fascinating.
Her toilet tap, her mini aquarium and Smart car neatly parked at the front is a sign that she is not one that worries about money. haha

To add more fun, they bought liquor, one which is Jack Daniels.
Man, 40% ALCOHOL.
They drank a mixture of that and some other drinks but Harin was out of his mind.
He devoured gulps of pure liquor with the intention to get drunk.
And he get what he want.
He was very concious at first.
And reality sways in his mind, he is undeniably inebriated.
Some things is better to be kept among friends. ( as in what a drunk person will do)

The boys played basketball, the girls swam in the pool.
Thanks to Joseph, Zhe Kai and Jitve for doing the main cooking. and oso Yi Xian.
Thanks to Gui Fen for inviting us and preparing raw food. and oso her kakak and auntie.
Thanks to Bobby who at last still lead the way to and Wei Seong who lead the way back.
Thanks to Yik Hui who looked after Harin in my car.

Another wonderful day in SAM.
Arigato everyone.
To the ones who miss it, u really miss sth gd.

Back!

Its been a long time since i last updated.
Its as if i've forgotten i hav a blog.
Haha.
Today it hit me that i've never visit my blog for a long time.
Since i am occupied by other stuff.
Today my physics teacher lent me a physics textbook, a very thick one that your arm strain by just holding it for the schoolday.
It happens like this.
I asked my teacher about sth outside the syllabus.
Sensing i was interested, she promised me a book.
But i did not expect one tat thick.
Though it was quite useful.
I started off a few pages and there goes bundles of equations that makes no sense to me.
Guess i am still light years from tat level of knowledge.
Besides, ludicrously, i am thinking of coming out my own atomic model, which i found corresponds to a proposal but had more explanation.
the article was rather philosophical in explaining but i am going to make it more scientific.
But i might take decades before i might even publish and be accepted.
Haha.
Anyway, SAM's trial is on Sept.
Must gear up...

The Day Before the day

Tomorrow is the day of importance to me.
It's my Grade 8 piano examination.
Which requires me to skip class for two days.
For the past exam, the prospect of meeting the examiner unnerved me.
It goes the same each year.
But this time I ought to be lax enough so that i can trully play my pieces well.
Grade 8 is considered a kind of graduation. Like Form 5.
So I cannot afford to fail when i come to think of the labour and time and money I've invested in it.
Despite i am trying my best, I still see people on Youtube play bloody hell well and better than me.
Guess its all a matter of talent. Which goes down to genes.
Anyway, I just hope that i will pass so i will have no qualms.
well, I might consider contimuing diploma but for the current situation, I am quite busy.
(studying and playing)
I cannot be like those freak who can sit there playing the musci instrument for hours a day.
I mean more than 5 hours.
Just pray and do my best.

Why?

Why can't I...
Make good use of weekends?( I always play)
Study continuously for hours...(my mind will wander after 15 minutes)
Read a book faster...(I tend to reread some part over again to be immersed in the situation)
Stop being addicted to anime...( i must watch bfore i study)
Be more awake in class...(i could not escape this)
Sleep lesser...(i think i need more sleep)
Be more organised...(my room is randomly decorated as a result from 'unplanned organising')
Be more talkative...(i'm a little introvert)
Be more motivated...(sometimes i sighs on the futility of going for classes)
Be more concerned...(i don't really worry about home though I'm far from home)
Be more aware of cleanliness...(I hate washing my socks)
Be more cool... (Gotcha...I sweat easily)
Not exercises...(Once i don't, I grow fat)
Not be hungry easily...(i want to eat as soon I don't feel any food in my stomach)
Can't spend wisely...(i use a lot of phone credit and more often eat sumptuously)

But I can...
Know my weakness
And try to improve

And I am...
Loved by my family
And still have friends
And have shelter and food and transportation and clothes
And college to attend
And laptop to MSN
And storybook to read
And time to sleep and play.

So I can...
Stop whining and just enjoy
What a teenage life shoulf be...

Been busy studying at the TBS library these few nights.
The environment is pleasant (lots of books) and the air cond is cool and chilling enough to tune in to study mode.
However, things have two sides.
If you study solo, you can focus much on your work but that ain't fun.
But if you join in a study group, you can have more interaction while studying.
Though sometime it distracts me, I actually felt better and happier while studying because I got companions.
Sometimes we can discuss stuff and gossip (its an excellent stress reliever).
Compared to revisioning at home previously, I seriously recommend group study.
Talk about the transformers movie I watched on Wednesday.
It is really cool and the animation is like no other.
They make it so real and they are quite creative coming out with the details of the robots.
And the suspense is always hanging, leaving matters unresolved and makes you attached to the seat even though you are urgent for a leak, like Calvin.
The plot is also convincing, and the part where the boss of Megatron, The Fallen is coming to take our sun. (oops, I've been a spoiler).
Sad case for my classmate who did not join us.
Everyone was captivated and keep complimenting the movie after that.
The actions were non-stop and its like never ending.
There should be a sequel to this second movie as Megatron is not dead yet. (oops, sorry)
I am sooo anticipating the third one, which should be an ending cos most movie producers prefer a trilogy.
I think other movies should learn from Transformers when they edit the graphics becuase it gives a super 3D experience and looked very realistic.
If someday we could really achieve a technology like that, I wonder whether what entails...
Will the humans dominated by robots (as in Megatron) or will we live peacefully with them (as in Optimus Prime)?

Lost

My wallet is really gone.
That night i waited and yet I did not receive any call from the cinema.
The next morning i went there again to ask.
And guess what they told me?
"Oh ya, I did not search. I forget".
You would like to see the way I smiled back at the a**hole.
Is this how you treat customers?
I felt like cursing him.
They brought me to search the hall but I am SO unfortunate.
Gone.
The fool is so kind enough to keep it for himself.
Guess they can't resist my cool picture on my license.
Hehe* I'm not a narcissist, OK?
Then I strolled to the nearest police station to report my loss.
Luckily, I can still drive. *smile*
That morning, I also visited the gym at Sunway and treid out a few stuff.
I registered for the RM30 trial for a month.
It s really cool inside.
All those high-tech machines and those freaking heavy dumbells.
The heaviest one prevents me from lifting even an inch.
And also the sauna.
Basically you are being steamed alive there.
Once you step in, you sweat immediately.
I also met a guy.
He is so friendly and ask for my hp number and offered to fetch me along the way.
Hey, I can't help wondering if he is a gay.
Must act with caution.
Its really weird for someone to be sooo good to you at first contact.
But the membership fee is really expensive.
Even with the cheapest student package, you need to pay about a hundred buck a month.
Its reasonable but hardly affordable for someone not so rich like me.
Plus, I need to spend time walking there, which take bout 25 minutes.
Man, I did nothing related to school on this week end.
Another time managing failure.

An Unfortunate Day

Arrghh!
I think I lost my wallet.
Today I went to watch movie with Joseph, Yit Guan and Banana.
In the middle of the movie (where the boring part is), I went to toilet, leaving my bag on the seat beside me.
But the seat is slanted and I PUT my WALLET on the front part and it slipped out (i think).
I did not notice and continued watching.
I shouldn't have gone to watch movie, I guess, cos I was supposed to study at the library.
But once I went there those 3 are preparing to go to Sunway Pyramid.
I had not the determination to study and so I followed them to seek entertainment which i shan't.
Only after we got back did i realise my wallet is not in my back.
That means spending RM14 back and forth again and without avail.
The cinema is already occupied and the staff couldn't just go in and search, says that people will complain about their rudeness.
Darn...
So I just had to leave my hp number and wait.
So i waited.
10.20....
10.30....
10.40...
11.00...
11.10...
What the heck are they doing?
I told them to call me even if they can't find anything!
I was pretty annoyed and worried.
So I just assume that they have some technical problem and unable to contact me.
I might as well go to Sunway tomorrow to ask and hopefully, retrieve my wallet.
Man, 80 bucks inside.
That is not the most important thing.
My IC and driving licence!!!!
can't afford to lose them.
I need to drive home tomorrow!
And my parents will lecture me!
Oh GOD, pls lend me a hand.
Give me back my wallet.
I also need to drive for a date.
And the GYM vip card I just applied today is in there.
Poor me...
Sob sob...
Hope I can sleep well tonight.
As Joseph says, look at the bright side...*a new wallet*
Duh...

Have you ever wondered why you will stone during a presentation?
Its because you are trying to look in your best form and do the best thing so that you are appreciated.
Bu your normal behaviour and demeanour is already your optimal performance, trying to be better is just making you feel not normal and you won't feel you natural self.
Researchers have actually shown that people fear public speaking more than they fear death.
You know why?
People prefer dying that making a mess out of oneself.
They rather die than tarnishing their reputation.
See? People nowadays treasure pride more than anything.
If they are humiliated, they might resort to anything to seek vengeance, or at least, wincing when they meet that asshole that insulted them.
Don't agree? You can try to insult someone seriously and watch how long that hatred lingers.
Human are such fragile and emotional beings.
Thats why people need love to protect them so that they can feel comfortable.
Have you denied someone?
If the relationship matters, go and mend it by at least asking how are they or greet them.
Even if he or she is still furious, these gestures will give surprise and mend the rift.

Books

Today I started reading a book titled The Bourne Identity.
After going through the summary at the back cover I decided to borrow it yesterday.
I started reading but I didn't like it.
The sentences are so unfamiliar to me despite i've read many other books.
It may be probably my English level is still below par for that book but the style in which the author wrote did not enitce or intrigue me to prompt me to continue reading.
Maybe I'm more into fantasy and science fiction stuff. Haha.
Things beyond reality is much more interesting and satisfying becuase there are often things you never come across before.
Like the previous book i read, Un Lun Dun (Unlondon) narrates about the other side of London, where obsolete things in the city end up in there.
It's sort of another world and bizarre things pop up between pages.
I might sound inclined to kid-favoured stuff but I just can't help it. :p
Never mind, I decided to stop pursuing the story and just start with the second book i borrowed.
See, just in case. Hehe.

Today i felt quite refreshed in class. I'm glad i slept early yesterday.
This few weeks i have been trying to be in bed the sooner the better cos i felt and read it does an excellent job maintaining your attention span and also intelligence.
Research revealed that the more sleep you loss, the more your IQ drops without you noticing.
People who are sleep deprived also tend to have a lower metabolism (i.e. grow fatter), weaker immune system and more emotional etc...
By skipping the afternoon siesta, the night rest is a whole lot better for me.

When i reach home today i decided to check my mails ONLY but i used up an hour for at the end.
That is why you should not turn on your com unless you really need to.
Better use them to do sth useful.

Went to exercise at the gym.
Feeling not recovered and a bit tired.
Not in my best condition.
Nowadays i notice many people go to train aimlessly while trying to build a good body.
They spend time doing sth they felt like and not planning what to do.
And they rest too much and waste time at the gym.
So when you want to start a slimming program or anything, PLAN and search for guides in the internet before attempting to try one.
You will only waste time if you don't.

I've finished another storybook.
Currently searching for another book, fiction preferably (cos suspense i what i want).
But a motivation book may do as i need to buck up for my studies.

Been a bit slack lately. Time to switch to a higher gear.

Talk about last Friday.
I was chosen by my English teacher to be a presenter as a practice for the presentation this week.
The title was : Should SPM be limited to 10 subjects?
There was a group a participating audience that will give their opinions on this subject.
We started and I propose that it should not limited to 10 subjects and we went on debating.
Sadly, none of the listeners agree with me.
Some say this will ruin high school life.
Some say there will be too much of stress.
But I firmly stick to my beliefs that more subjects may be good.
And then we stray off to discussing DotA.
Why?
Cos I pointed out that nowadays there are too many distractions and computer games and internet is one of them that hinders hardwork in studies.
This is for real.
When you sit in front of the computer with the internet connected, you will be tempted to surf the net EVEN though you have absolutely no idea what to do.
Tons of work awaits but stuff from the internet like MSN chatting, checking mails and watching Youtube besides downloading the latest cinema movies has a great deal of fun than fussing over a Chemistry question.
Ask someone and the truth will be revealed.
Because most people waste their time doing this, they face failures in exams or unable to complete their work.
I may not fail but I found my precious time evaporated before I know it.
You can say I'm a bit lack of self-discipline but who doesn't enjoy having fun?
So, I think next time I go online again, I seriously need to set a time limit.
You should do that too.

Holidays are over.
Can't help being irritated by morning alarms and classes that demand attention even they are boring.
The result i got are satisfactory, cos i did quite some careless mistakes that stole my marks.
The bad thing i notice is, there is no respite after this.
The hype of trial exams urges teachers to speed up their lectures, and students to catch up with the pace.
But now there is still time to enjoy a nice siesta and watch online movies (I mean anime). haha
During the holidays, I am sooo get used to sleep 10 hours a day that i couldn't help dozing off at class with just 7 hours a day. Cos I have accustomed to sleeping at 12 am.
Usually i snooze for half an hour and start to rush preparing for class. Hehe.
This sememster I have determined to study for 2 hour every weekday at the library.
I found this way is so encouraging for me to keep up with my work but as you know, I love books and sometimes got tempted to read other kinds of stuff instead of revising.
Haha.
Yesterday I started quite late cos I was reading Reader's Digest.
Then I peep at the headlines on New Strait Times.
Then only I start.
Man, life is so distracting.
There are too many other things that makes you want to dump studying and play more.
So, for everyone's sake. I think PC games should be banished.
Anime and movies should be banned.
Internet should not exist.
And study sutdy study.
And so our civilisation would be more educated, instead of pursuing a hedonistic lifestyle.Marvelous eh?
Nothing is impossible.
If it is so, I will be chased by gaming freaks all the way to the end of the world.
Haha.

Too free

Utterly squandering time.
Well, isn't that a holiday norm?
Hanging out with friends, going online and so on...
But what I enjoyed most is watching One Piece anime.
Its really, I mean REALLY an interesting anime.
(For those who want to watch online, please visit watch-onepiece.com)
Oops...I forgot to claim some fee for advertising...
Haha...never mind...
The day before I visited Carrefour shopping mall.
I came across a huge pile of books for sale.
To my excitement, each story book is sold RM5!!!
Oh s**t! (Biting fingernails)
They are not really old books, but excess books that the management wants to clear 'em up.
(Biting fingernails...)
I took a long time to choose but only came up with two interesting books, Unlondon and The Cloud.
Why? Because my mom doesn't like me to read books during holiday, saying I will be too stressed out.
Man, isn't she a good mom. How many maternal advice will go "Can't you just stop reading and get some rest?" Haha
She even urge me not to put pressure on myself during exam.
"As long you grades are OK then you're fine"
What the..
I really mind my grades, mind you!
I once told her I would give in anything for my dream and she was kinda worried that I might go crazy.
As the Chinese child song goes "shi shang zhi you ma ma hao", loosely translated :mothers are the best in the world...
Sometimes though we had grown up and can make decisions of our own, we cant' ignore them.
After all, we will do the same when we reach that stage.
And my piano examination is round the corner and it is going to drive me crazy if I don't get serious.
Sometimes my mood just slip away. (Not to mention the addctive effects from watching anime...Now you can see how good it is)
The trial is on this Thursday and you can see my casket is ready in case I failed.
In order to cultivate a skill, sacrifices are unavoidable.
So think twice befor you want to take up extra lessons or you want to lead a peaceful life.
Haha. Sounds like some kind of philosophy.
Frankly, I think philosophy is quite boring.
You go debating about life through reasoning ,say, does GOD exist, without any possible proof and end up with a sating answer that YOU think is true.
Kinda futile, I think.
Those who went to Genting would wonder, why did'nt I mention it here.
Because, I hope not to recall the regret that I miss the outdoor games.
Arrgh...Getting frustrated...
Coz Ben said "You miss the Solero Shot? Oh, you just missed the best thing in your life"
Thank me I didn't curse anyone. (I'm not so evil, OK)
But then I too enjoyed though at the price of paying extra for the "Flying Coaster" that makes my head goes flying also (meaning I saw stars flying)
And then I mus tmention the jacuzzi at the hotel.
I could say it is pretty relaxing and comforting for your mind and soul. Haha
Lie there in the warm bath with massaging sprays give you a ticket away from the world temporarily.
But then yout skin goes wrinkle as water is absorbed and you would't love to lie there too long.
So thats it.
No more mentioning.

A dream

Yesterday night I stare into the mirror
and saw a grown up, though young,
Bespoke weariness.
Not the weariness from chores
Nor from the steepness of a teen's path
Or the conflict in social circles.
But its from a dream
A dream that none of my kind ever achieved but have dreamt of.
Its a problematic one.
Not necessarily it demands mettle or hardwork
Nor determination or devotion
But pure genius and luck
Plus a little illumination
Guided by saints
Or even better
By the devil
To harness my inner prowess
As devilish as possible
For an astounding result
Many in the world have tried
Some suceeded
With ingenuity tinged with beauty.
To get hold on my dream
I must surpass billions
Defeat millions of genius
And subjugate the impossiblities posed in nature
To uncover the truth
So that I can raise civilisation of mankind to a higher platform
A achievement stunning like never.
But I am ordinary.
by ordinary means
How am I to excel tremendously
Me myself
Held by nets
The relenting nets
And the mountain of duties that pressure me
And the limitations of my neurons
pave impediments in my path
To shatter every blocks
Is so exhausting
Does a shortcut exist for me?
If it does
It is unfair to the others
So i reasoned
GOD is always fair
There will not be impartiality
Then I conclude that there is none.
But I yearn for one
For everything is too much for me to take
I know its a lifelong dream
But give me an exception
My Lord!
Spare me from misery
For my accomplishment will benefit others
Like no other...

The depth of my heart

I walked alone
Along the deserted beach
At sunset
Feeling separated from the outside world.

I met some people
Who were also watching sunset
But take no heed of me
As if I were merely a passing wind.

I tr to blow like the wind
So they would notice my presence
They just say " It's windy"
And continue watching the horizon.

And then I spoke to one of them
They replied me curtly
And thats the end of a conversation
I'm alone again.

I tried to 'blow' harder
Hope they will appreciate me
And acknowledge my presence
In the end
I'm just making a fool out of myself.

I walked away from them
And sat aside
Looking at their gestures
Happy and bonded
But I am merely a spectator
Of no importance other than to watch.

I long to share
My thoughts about sunset
With them

But they don't understand me
Nor they comprehend my passion
And my thoughts
And my feelings.

I am isolation
Like a small island which broke apart from a earthquake
Even the island approach the mainland
It will no longer be a part of it.

Eventually they left
I am seated alone on the cool beach
Watching sunset myself
Am I to leave with them
By abandoning the beautiful night
In order to be a part of them?
Must I not be myself
In order to get company?
Must I make sacrifice to have friends?

No, my heart replies
Be yourself
Someone like you will come in your life
Someone who appreciates the beauty of the night
Someone who loves the warmth of the beach
Not just the sunset.

But I will be lonely
For how much longer must i wait
Wait, my pal
Wait.

Endure and you will acjieve what you intend to achieve
Do not relent with the others
Suffer to sacrifice
And soar high above the clouds.

I believe in you
My dear heart
Guide me in my journey
So that I can let others
Realise how beautiful the night is
Even though my passion is different
From what others thought

I will face the reality
And bold through difficulties
But you must lend a helping hand
For I will fall if you don't...

Hang on
And stay firm
I will always be there for you...
Your dear heart.