Attended UCSI's orientation today.
Manned the booth for the Engineering Faculty.
The MPH hall was fully packed and I saw many students had their parents come with them.
Hey, teenagers of 18 nowadays get excellent services from parents.
If it were my parents, they will go long-winded about being independent before they will accompany me to an orientation.

It was boring as expected.
Aside from the music performances, the newcomers are bombarded with speeches and briefings that nobody bother to listen.
Luckily, my booth had an excess of 4 friends which I can chat with.

Anyway, the only thing we got to offer is two robot cars and one servo motor controller.
The only time that our service is actually required is during the 20 minute break.
Yes, we brief newbies about our engineering faculty and explain what we basically do.

Do you know Dennis Lau?
He is a famous professional violinist in Malaysia and he is a UCSI alumni.
UCSI proudly invites him to perform during every orientation and honestly I'm impressed with his music.
He spices his music so that its frequency creeps into your heart and slowly dab your feelings with elation.
Haha.
Maybe it the saxophone accompaniment that unleashes the grandeur.
I had to say I like it.

This time there aren't many blacks coming to UCSI.
Mostly local.
Probably its because they don't like being in a 'bright environment'.
They prefer 'darkness'.
Hehe.
Not being racist here.
Just trying to crack some dry jokes.

Phew...exams are finally...over!
I planning what to do during this one week holiday.
Very short but I intend to do something meaningful.
Not just sleeping and web surfing but something more beneficial?
Learning something else I guess.
Perhaps practicing a new piano song?
Go for fitness?
Learn programming?
Meet up with old friends?
Traveling?
Pretty much options..

Anyway, I've started to get bored with facebook.
I don't play the games (except Typing Maniac - my score has benn rising) ;)
The only thing I do is checking out what's interesting on the first home page.
My mailbox has been really empty too.
Guess life goes downhill a little at times.

Since a few months ago, I felt that I have changed.
I felt I think a lot more and a lot less.
A lot more on the philosophical side.
About life issues, about my future , about my relationships and even about the meaning of life.
Its a continuous stream of thought, and I might've grown wiser or more naive.
I began to see the meaning of life, to me which is a sense of accomplishment at this point.
And to achieve this sense of accomplishment, it depends whether how high you want to achieve.
It is during this period of time I begins setting these goals, adjusting them so that when Im at the end of life, I feel I will have accomplished a lot, I will be satisfied and lived a good life.
Wow, thats a very interesting thought for a person of my age.
The things I have gradually stopped thinking is my rage and dissatisfaction and my material desires.
I begin to realize that many things are actually spiritually useless, as well as physically sometimes and also emotionally.
And I begin to embrace whats here for me and develop a sense of gratitude.
But this takes time and its just the beginning.
Maybe no one will actually comprehend what I wrote today.
If you do, congrats.
You share something with me.
Anyway, these are just personal reflections.

Its been a while since I last blogged.
Made a tweak and it looks livelier now.
You know, sometimes people are just in the no-mood state.
So, there are many changes in my life.
Its just the end of my first semester is approaching.

If it hadn't been the scholarship, i wouldn't be in a dilemma now.
If I were to choose to receive the scholarship, I must complete my course at UCSI.
Whereas I previously planned to be transferred to University of Queensland.

Now considering the costs,
if I just receive the scholarship, and by that I am obliged to work in UCSI as a service for the awarded scholarship.
Yes, it's like that.
65 hours for long semester and 35 hours for short semester.
OK, that is not a problem.
5 hours a week isn't much.
It's like working with a pay of RM60+ an hour.
So in 4 years time, the total costs will amount to approx. RM10k excluding living fee.


If I were to be transferred to Australia, the living cost and study costs is about
RM 200,000 ++.
W0W, thats a HUUGE difference.
But then it would be a totally different experience.
Learning new stuff and culture.
Speak better english.
And of course the quality of facilities and lecture will be better.
Cos the university ranks TOP 50 in the world.

Now its a matter of money.
My dad says it would be wise saving the money for my Masters.
Then I can study abroad if I want to.
Right.
Wise enough.
But I have been thinking of acquiring a degree from a reputed university.
And there is this saying that claims the degree's origin doesn't matter.
If its true, I think I better stick to UCSI.

This years Chinese new year is definitely a great time for me.
Not like previous new years which features travel-free-stay-in-your-own-room activities.
This time I went to Port Dickson, though not extremely enjoyable but at least its away from usual habits of hanging around near home.
Beside the usual New Year visits to relatives house, I went for an Angpow trip with my fellow secondary schoolmates.
You know what it means?
A travel group is formed, equipped with several automobiles to retrieve as many angpow as possible that day.
Its like flitting from one house to another for the sole purpose of angpow and fun.
Of course, we don't leave immediately after our mission in that place is fulfilled.
We grabbed the chance to switch roles and Gambles Prince and Princess.
The direction of money flow is truly unpredictable.
A minute later, I had a pocketful of bills, then seconds later, I began paying off money like a Fortune Deity.
But I'm not an all-nighter so I ended up in bed at bout 2 am.
I know some of you guys and girls out there can forget what sleep is but I definitely can't if I want to live another day.
Alright, after this eventful holiday, the avalanche of homework is on it roll again.
*Sob sob*

Can you become a spiritual master?
First, lets consider a few things.

Are you easily annoyed or depressed or angered?

Do you have something physical you are very attached to?

Are you willing to part with your money?

Are you willing to sacrifice?

Do you live to eat or you eat to live?

Can you live without the internet?

Do you seek for self-improvement?

Or your aim in life is to become rich?

Do you think philosophically?

Do you ever take the divine existence seriously?

Do you seek for a meaning everyday?

Do you treat loss as a part of life?

Do you treat material gains insignificant?

Do you really care about you health?

Are you fueled by envy, jealousy and hatred?

Do you live for others?

Are you afraid of death?

.
.
.

The next stage of human evolution are the evolution in consciousness and spirituality.
Please, take these questions into deep thought.

Yesterday I read that genius was made, not born.
'Yeah yeah, I know' I can hear you say.

But genius can me made by just practicing.
Practicing what?
Not what, but for how long?

Remember the cliche "practice makes perfect?"
Science is telling us if we practice 10000 hours on a subject, almost everyone can be a genius at it.
Its 1 followed by 4 zeroes.

You might say, people like Mozart, Einstein and Bill Gates are natural genius.
But here's the fact.

Mozart started practicing music at around age 3.
A few hours a week.
As he grow older the practice increases several folds.
By the age of 20, he have already more than 10000hours of music experience.

Now about Einstein.
He is reported to daydream several times a day since young.
And through the daydream came the Theory of Relativity.
He daydreamed so much that he is able to visualize time-space.
So its still practice.

Bill Gates.
Did you know he was really obsessed with computer programming?
He sacrificed sleep and work round the clock on computers.
It started from high school.
And few years later, the time practicing might have already exceeded 10000hours.

So whats the main point?
We think that these people have natural talent or something.
We did not see their devotion and sacrifice.

As Mozart says, "people think my art come to me easily".
People just missed the part where he really put his effort into studying the works of great masters repeatedly.

I know you hate to know this, but there's actually no excuse for you to be lazy.
No more saying thing like "I just can't do it" or "I am never good in this".
Personally, I hate to think bout it too.
But I am also equally happy that genius can be achieved. :)

Today my sis is displaying her usual brainless self.
She tied our dog to pee and poo at the side of the house under the intense heat for 2 hours.
You know what the weather is like in Selangor nowadays.
Scorching and scalding.
Until I came home to find out the dog is panting profusely without any water.
Even the shit has dried up into crisp.
If I'm not there I wonder how long before our dog couldn't take it anymore.
And when I question her, she just gave me a nonchalant 'so? i'm not the one who's under the hot sun' look.
This is not my family's first experience of her idiocy.
So I just held my tongue and get on with it.

Note: Not that I really protect my dog but its her carefree attitude that's irritating.

We're supposed to be celebrating because we are humans.
We have opposable thumbs, we know how to put on our own clothes, we can type, we can read, we can clean our ass properly, we can mutter expletives, we can choose what to eat today and so forth...

But the most important thing?
We have RIGHTS and FREEDOM.
We can fight for ourselves.

And the best thing probably is we will not be eaten (forget cannibalism).
Just now I received an email about how ducks are being overfed (I mean forced to eat)
and how they are suffering.
I have sent out the mail and if any of you guys see it you would understand.
You have no idea how pissed off for me to see this kind of cruelty against animals.
They are unable to defend themselves.
They lack freedom.
They only have less than half a meter of space to live everyday.
They eat the same stuff everyday.
Some don't even get to see what a tree is.
They live in a stupid factory for their whole life.
When they think they are better off dead, its time to be slayed.

I know that they are just animals.
I know that they have lower intelligence than us.
I know that we have are not herbivores.
I also know that we are allowed to breed them and harvest their meat.

But I didn't know that humans are cruel to that extent.
Just for profits.
The unbearable selfishness.
If I hold the authority, those people who work there, those people who planned these, those people who helped them, I will have special gallows constructed for them.
Even the inventor gets their grave ruined.
Now I understand why there are an increasing number of vegetarians worldwide.
Not that I'm into anti-meat but just look how animals are born to suffer.
They are also very conscious, for your information.
So for those who really did receive the email, act like a sentient being and forward it, please.

Will I ever become a theoretical physicist?
First, let's consider the circumstances.

What I need:
1)Superior intellect *Shit*
2)Massive creativity *Dang*
3)Excellent communication skills *uh-oh*
4)Proficient in mathematics *Darn it!*
5)Deep understanding in physics *Screw*
6) Opportunity to present ideas
7) Opportunity to BE a physicist
8) Luck *Hmmmm...*
9) Persistence and patience to endure failures (experiments, obsolete theories....)

What I don't need:
1) A bunch of disheveled hair (Like Einstein)
2) Eccentric properties (So not to be secluded by the community)
3) Evil genius (I'm not gonna destroy mankind)
4) The expected scientist look (bespectacled, small, skinny, with loads of books)
5) Deep rings round the eyes (to prove that you study all day all night)


Let's see.
The second category is not much a problem.
The first category is really.....
what can I say...
wait a sec..
it is even attainable?

Yesterday I attended the TechComm camp at UCSI.
Its the abbreviation for Technical Communication and it's supposed to enhance our engineering professionalism.

The events start as you would expect.
Speeches by some head of the faculty and then the opening ceremony which I ignore the most of it.
Then it's the ice-breaking game where you are supposed to ascribe an adjective to yourself and others must remember your name or your adjective in a group.

Its started at 10.30 am so lunch hour comes quick.
It started getting better here thanks to the creamy spaghetti, egg hams and salad.
Later we are supposed to do a presentation in a group whereby I unfortunately/fortunately became the group leader through a random name selection.
My group consists of 3 chinese, 2 Iraqian/ Iranian adn a black (which my friend claim to look like MJ).

Its been a some time since I forgotten how to lead.
And so we presented our topic , lacking creativity except you count the poster with a 7-year old drawing on it.
Some of us stammer quite a bit and others just read out what they noted while pretending to be improvising.

The better part was the Amazing Race.
Its an ordinary telematch game but with some improvements compared to my other
experience.
Coz there are some really frustrating and time-consuming games that urge you to knock out the stations' facilitator.
One station involves a long row of water-filled cups and you are to blow a ping pong ball from the first cup to the end.
Sounds easy eh?
A little too hard, the ball goes off course.
A little too soft, you might as well not blow.

Some facilitators are easy to trick.
Just break some common rules that they didn't mention (so it's their fault)and you can proceed smoothly.
Haha. Sounds like cheating.

The prize giving comes next.
There are altogether 8 groups, but the prize is only 3 (hampers again...).
So we just sit there and calm ourselves to watch other groups go upstage.
Third prize goes to Group 8.
Second prize goes to Group 2.
First prize goes to...who do you think....an even number...looks like the other number...6!
And guess what?!
We're from Group 6.
For a whole minute we sat there dumbstruck.
Only then we took a deep breath, went up the stage to snap some pictures and claim that hamper.
Haha.
Life is full of surprises. (This time a pleasant one)
Suddenly the camp felt to enjoyable.
Its not because of whats in that hamper.
Its the pride of victory.

So it seems that I can lead after all. (At least for a puny group of 5)
Shhh...
I'm supposed to maintain my modesty. Right?

Arrgh!
I just can't afford to skip naps.
I really need it.
Its not that if you get 8 hours shut eye you can be totally refreshed during the day.
But napping can be a waste of time.
For me.
The first 15-20 minutes is for falling asleep.
Once you drift off, it persists for about an hour.
Maybe longer.
When i wake up, ahh, i felt totally refreshed and revitalized.
But then I will stay up until 1 am doing side flips on bed.
If I don't nap, I cannot function at night.
If I do take naps, I cannot function in the morning.
I think there is a either a problem with my biological clock or my brain is not normal.
Therefore I had to constantly adapt to different time schedule which is totally inane if I can't control even my own sleeping time.
Suddenly I feel that life sucks.

When you are studying, you wanted a holiday to come soon.
When you are boring, you want school to start immediately.

When you work everyday, you wish you are in school.
When you are in school, you wish you are young enough to stay at home.

When you study too much, you think life is meaningless.
When you play too much, you also think life is meaningless(coz there are no challenges).

When you sleep a lot, you are afraid you will die in sleep.
When you sleep lesser, you are afraid your body is degrading faster without enough rest.

When you feel happy, you feel that sorrow is waiting.
(Which brings you to a sorrowful state.)
When you feel sorrowful, you wanted to be happy.

When you are contradicting yourself, you want to make matters clear.
When you are clear about things, you might think there is something you are yet to know.


So, just don't think.
Just go on with life.
Don't you agree?

People are right.
Today's education doesn't teach us how to think.
They taught us only what to think.
Even in university now there is still a certain degree of spoon feeding.
Like high school, they force you to memorize formulas and apply it in exam.
Its not that if we can spell out everything in textbooks we'll succeed in life.
The difference in university?
Thicker textbooks.
That's all.
Goddammit.
When did learning become so uninteresting?

Today as I get on the seat of my car, squeezing the keys to ignite the engines, previous weeks tasks and assignments came flooding into my mind.
"Shit"
There is an assignment laying untouched for nearly two weeks on my desk and its supposed to be handed in this Wednesday...
There is the tutorial homework which I should do before entering class this Tuesday.
Monday is never the best day of the week, I'm sure most people agree.

Had some hard time catching up with todays lessons coz been absent for last Wednesday.
Been selling off my college books to some juniors in front of Taylors.
Unfortunately, theses people are difficult to deceive.
They're really good at bargaining, and you have to sweat on not losing to0 much.
So that day I stood for hours (8am - 4pm) trying to get rid of those books while also trying to avoid too much negotiation.
And there were a lot of competitors too.
Mant SAM student were doing a great job promoting their second hand items.
They arrive early to occupy a strategic place where you can 'trap' customers and lure them into buying your stuff.
Some people even put the price so low to spoil the market.
If you're not there, you can understand the situation if you have been to a boisterous night market. (I'm certain you did)
Lucky for me, I sold almost all my books at the end of the day , but I have to go from a promoting tongue to a pleading tone.
And it actually works.

"Shit"
What am I doing?
Did I forget there were assignments left undone?

Looks like I'm back from a painfully long vacation.
Its not entirely I give up on blogging.
Just some annoying technical problem and yes, I'm a little sluggish nowadays when it comes to using my mental muscle.
Assuming I'm free, I think I'll continue with the usual blabbering here.
(Not that its entirely gibberish).
Holidays ends for me sooner than you think.
I'm now a university student that is gonna struggle with daily assignments.
Maybe you're asking why not I get some rest by joining a later batch.
Its because sitting idle at home for weeks, be it in front of my laptop or the television or my book on my lap,
the absence of responsibility and stress is a little unnerving.
It'll be very soon before I can barely spell a word.
My skills and everything, it will look like this.


And I'm taking Mechatronics Enginerring.
In case you hadn't heard of it, its Mechanical-cum-Electronics Engineering.
At UCSI.
Well, I choose this university because:
1) Offers a twinning program (for my course - University of Queensland)
2) Near my house ( a 5 - 10 minute ride )
3) I don't want to leave home staying in hostels, not til I am sick with it.

*Although it might seem I'm going to have a lot to say about after such a long period, it's gonna come gradually. So that's it. (:

Exams have been tough.
Of course, the last is always the hardest challenge.
Been through 3 subjects, Chemistry and Spec. Maths left.
Went to watch Ninja at 1Utama yesterday.
A lot of blood fued, modified to some extent of exaggeration.
Imagine blood spraying like water shoots out from a hose when you press the hole.
And it tells a story of revenge , fighting and a hero-saving-beautiful-maiden scene at the end.
Full of epic action but storyline is dull.
Ninjas fighting to claim some heritage just for fame.
Trust me , its not woth watching.

Have been pampered by the time.
Since Chem is next wednesday, i took a short break.
Rest well to travel further and faster. I felt so.

Mafia wars at the library sucks.
Constant laging requires constant rebooting.
And unproductive playing time.

Since the internet dominates most people's life nowadays,
I wonder what people usually do before the advent of this technology.
Reading, perhaps, which make us more stupid today.
Of if some of you agree.

My mind is teeming with multiple thoughts now.
Part of me wants to detach myself from everything and focus on my study.
Other parts is engaging activities like wandering in the land of imagination, desire to have a good laugh by watching funny videos and worst of all, to think that next week is just any ordinary week.
Well, return to reality and the pressing truth is the final exam for the entire SAM starts next Monday.
Today is a Thursday. Now its nightime.
Tomorrow is a Friday, so three more days to go.
And what I am doing right now is browsing whats on the home page of Facebook, punching on the keyboard to complain for my boredom and uttering a silent cry a despair on the prospect of feeling doomed in the exam hall.
I'm aint prepared but stress is preparing to kill me before I even step into the accursed freezing hall, draped in the frost of morning dew.
There am I on an exam morning, struggling to break free from the chains of weariness that locks me in the lying position on the bed.
And there am I sweating off my butt, almost frenzy from the torturing elusive logic that the question presents.
And there am I, looking down from the fourth story without any feeling of vertigo, instead a desire to pull a step forward. (Ok, this one is exaggerated. )
But its like looking into the void of nothingness.
The immeasurable depth and darkness beyond strip you of hopes.

But when I picture what awaits for me in the future.
Of halls, audiences, ovations and the proud look in my parents eyes and the shimmering gold plated prize and the booming of my thank you speech from the gigantic speakers that flank the award hall.
To see this, and comes a boost a motivation and determination and greatness within.
I see life as hope then.
I see God's holding out his shining palm for assistance.
Waiting to give me a pull and thug me out of the endless void.
And to offer me an opportunity to smile again.

Gambateh to myself.

Today is my last day of college *Sob sob*

Never expect it to end so quick.

But to think again, the past 10 months happens in a blink.

Today is also a day where we strengthen friendship ties thru Cam Whoring.

I seldom participate in this but today I couldn't help but join in the fun.

My classmates take many poser photos but also quite some random and candid ones.

Basically the lectures are just having fun.

People pass around the yearbook for signatures.

I should have brought mine too.

I'm sad that it is nearly the end but this is an opportunity to rejoice for a new stage of life.

Ascension to university life.

I think I will more likely stay local cos unless I got full scholarships, I can't afford to go Australia.

And getting full is hoping for the 'almost impossible'.

My Chemistry lecturer related her experiences in Melbourne to us today.

It sounds like sooo fun and soooo killjoy after listening.

The exciting part is you get to see more 'mat salleh' and can learn 'pro english' accent, experience other culture and food and those sort of things.

The bad part include restrictions such as cannot call in after 9pm, shop closes at 5pm, no photocopy books, also expensive food, clothes books and travel tickets.

It's also difficult to mesh in Australian people cos as my lecturer puts it, they see Asian as inferior. All of us have the same face. So you most probably end up befriending Cambodian, Malaysians and other Asians.....

Horning on the road is considered very rude too...

And summer is freaking hot.

I do wish to taste the Australian air but maybe later during my Masters or PhD (maybe).

Next week is a holiday.

Nope, not a week of college leave.

A study leave instead.

Finals is only next next week.

If you play, guiltiness creep over immediately.

But you cannot study continuously either.

So I have no idea how to plan the week.

Perhaps barring my itchy fingers from the laptop by leaving it at home is a good idea.

I might be cursing the absence of my pc, but its for my own good after all.

*Method of self- discipline*

Gonna do really good this time.

Or else...

No. don't even think of it...